Saturday, October 18, 2008

you don't know me

Do you remember when we'd just sit in silence together and just look at the stars? Do you?

What are you talking about? We never did.


I was wishing that we did, back then.

You like to wish you did a lot of things differently, don't you?

I know, I know.

It makes me look like I'm not contented.

The next line you'll probably say is "Don't think about the past. Be grateful for the things that you have now,"

No, actually I wanted to say I wished you danced in the rain more.

But I can't dance. You know that.

Yeah, and now I'm wishing that you could dance.

Sometimes I wonder, just out of curiosity. What if I did some things differently?

Would everything turn out different?

Would I finally be content (whatever that's worth)?

Would I be a different person? Or is it all inevitable?

That it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, it will all end up the same?

Just like taking a different route to the same destination?

Yes, like that exactly. The way I see it, if you did things differently, then you'd just be a different you, only wondering what would be if you (I mean the different you, not the you you) did things differently.

So you're saying that I'll be different, then?

Yes.But you'll still wonder about the same thing. You'll still wonder about all the "What ifs..." and the "Probably maybes...", you know?

But how can you be sure?

I'm not sure. I'm just saying.

I don't have all the answers for you, you know?

Well, you should, I imagine.

Well, I don't. Sorry to disappoint you.

You're not doing this for a living. You don't need inspiration to do what you do. You don't.

But I want to. There's hope in hoping. Whatever that means.

Hoping for what?

For anything. For you. That maybe one day you'd be the person I'd imagine you to be.

So maybe in the unlikely event that I become someone, then you'd be able to take credit for it, even if you don't want to. I don't know.

It seems rather stupid, I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Of course it did.

And that's not fair, hoping I'd be the person you imagined me to be.

Whatever happened to just accepting me for who I am?

Would you like to just sit and look at the stars, and into forever with me? Just you and me and the way you are now?

I don't know. Why don't you ask me the next time we meet?

Maybe I will.


But do you think that if I didn't, things would turn out differently?

Okay, stop that. Don't you have anything else to do?

Not really.

Do you want to know a something?

What is that?

You don't know me at all.

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