scary

and this is scary !!


http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/10/30/nation/2409726&sec=nation


be careful.

hana hana

Announcing : today is my bestfriend 24th birthday,
FARRHANA SHAFIK....and i miss u darling. :)

I want to wish you a Happy Birthday,

And I hope you have a great day,

You know that you are loved,

In every special way.

dear you,

dear you,


i told u i wanna sleep. but i can't even close my eyes.
i tried my best to calm down, de-stressing my mind.
i knew, you knew.. how hard being me nowadays...
:(


then,i took a shower, hoping if it will make me fresher....
then, i flipped through the newspaper, if there is anything interesting news.....
then, i bloghoppped around, if there is any informative phrase that cud make my day....
then, i got myself online and i ask u whether u still online or not....
then, we started to chat, amusingly in a very cold and lame language...
then, the conversation went even bitter...


i really didn't know why, we became like this..
i fell sick, u were not here, and i was really ok about that..
but at least could u please, at least be someone that i cud rely on...
but at least could u please, at least be the shoulder to cry on...
but at least could u please, at least be the one who give me faith to keep on...
or at least could u please, at least be the reason for me to carry on...


just now,i wanna tell u that, i found an article about how we can decorate our duplex apartment..
it was so nice. there were pictures so that we have a picture how the duplex will look like..
just now,i wanna tell u that, i found that my friend's mum is the owner of the cafe at armanee condo. how exciting it was that we might get cheaper price or wutever..
just now,i wanna tell u that, my father has confirmed his position in KL.
but, i just couldn't. u blew things off just like that.


i just wanna share things that can make me happy......i just wanna share..
if it is not u, so who else?


i know you are going offshore for some days.
yes i glad u did well in your job.
but at the same time i was so sad that u always not there whenever i needed u here.
its not that i don't understand. i do.
i just want u to appreciate the time left for us.
i just want u to appreciate what we have sacrificed.
i just want u to appreciate me....


yes this is me in my deepest, darkest, unloved moment.


yes ppl, u know how some things are better left unsaid so they wouldn't seem "real"..
and u could continue on living in denial -- in hopes that it'll keep the sadness at bay and u can live your life relatively happy?




that's what i was doing.

updates

dear all, i just came back from hospital. yes i am not that well. but never mind i just want to flashback wut happen during my openhouse. p/s: this might be long...

okay we start from here. ini adalah sedikit preview menu on that day. nasi minyak,nasi dagang,lemang,rendang,cakes n cookies, serta buah-buahan. sedap bukan? menyesal tak dtg? hehehehe.. takpe.. dtg next time k

untung woo sape yg kanak2 dtg openhouse aritu. dapat duet raya berkepuk2. so agak2 next year punye open house kalau korang nak duet raye dtg la pakai baju raya korang yg umor 11 tahun. try la. never try never fail. :D

selain melayan tetamu, saya juga perlu melayan adik bongsu yg bole tiba2 dtg merajuk sbb tiada org melayan dia. hahahhahahaha. confirm la. muke kamu tu hari2 kitorang tgk punye. cet

ini adalah gerai ABC n cendol. gerai terhangat pada hari kejadian. hahaha. layan gile. bole request pulak tu nak byk ape nk kurang ape. sporting gilos makcik ni. cayalah makcik. we support you.

haaa yang ni best. ini ialah laksa penang dan soto yg tidak mungkin anda dapati di kedai2 lain. confirm meleleh air mata sbb pedas okayyyyy..

ini adalah muke terpaksa "tolong jadi babysitter kejap, makcik nak mkn".. aisehhhh.. turun saham..so trick dia, duduk je situ, jgn pegi mane2 okay..

ini ialah "hey mr deejay keep the record on i wanna.......".. :P ... yeahh inilah pakcik deejay yg memanjang pasang lagu 60 an. tertekan eden. skali je die pasang lagu letto. tu pun salah tekan agaknye. hahaha

ni tempat mengambil air minuman,sejuk dan panas. teh ais teh o ais nescape panas bandung ape ntah lagi bykla senang cite. yg menarik ialah 2 bijik peti ice cream kat blakang pakcik tu. fuhhh ice cream die mmg heavennn beb. tak caye tanye azrin ke boy ke hafiz ke, ala tanye la sape2 yg dtg mkn ice cream tu.

ini adalah gerai murtabak. murtabak pakcik ni sedap wooo.. tebal die smacam..kuah ade dua. satu yg kaler pink cuka tu ngan gulai. makan panas2 ni layan jugak.

ini adalah gerai sate. pakcik yg tengah kibas sate tu takde kene mengena pun ngan kitorang.lagi2 mamat yg pakai baju kuning tu, lagi takde kene mengena. saje je tempah die sbb sate die sedap n spesel. aritu selain ayam n daging,ade sate pedal dan hati dan kerang. sedap kan?

ini adalah khemah yg tak brape vip sbb takde carpet. model2 ini adalah budak2 skolah dr sekolah rendah sri sepang. time ni bole la tgkp gambo sbb x bz.. ehehe

ini adalah khemah utk org2 yg konon2 vip. so agak sopan sedikit sbb ade carpet. tp yg tak besnye tak bole jalan2 tgk food2 lain sbb sume served on the table.

wahhh sungguh panjang bukan entry kali ini. ok sekian. i need my inhaler

Invitation

Dear all my family, partners,teachers,lecturers,calon2 mertua, calon2 husband, calon2 adik ipar,ACCA members, unemployed friends,boyfriends,girlfriends, enemies,classmates, housemates,crushes,secret admirers,long lost friends and also current real friends,

you all are invited to my house for sedikit makan2 on 23rd October 2008.i am so bz and can't make time for a proper invitation. i hope you dont mind since currently we have technology that can help me spread this in just a click! hehe. so, a lot of food will be served together with goodlooking usherers. :) who ever got talent in singing can also enjoy yourself karaoke-ing.Confirm grand punye kalah kenduri kawen. kahkahkah.. Yes i know its working days, tp ye lah kan saje je. :P please dont come late at night because i'm going to sit for my ACCA trial exam on the next day @ 8am !!

see u

mimi and bakal husband

emotion is bad, believe me

It's not for lack of material, I'm having a tsunami of experiences over here, it's that most of the experiences I am having don't translate well into blog-land, or maybe more accurately they don't translate well onto this blog. Perhaps an anonymous blog would be better, and I don't want to just give it up. Many of you actually ground me in ways you could never imagine, and I miss you.

I do believe that I'm standing in a different spot now. The view from where I am now is a little different. I am in a bit of awe...I have a little wonder. I am certain. I am fearful. I am climbing. I am washing all the floors in the world. I am accepting this task.

I hate bringing up the past for fear that I sound like I’m blaming someone or something for the way that I am now, but in this instance, I think it has a significant bearing. In simple terms, I was raised by a mother who doled out severe repercussions for having emotions. Growing up, I cannot recall an instance of being hugged or consoled when I was upset, nor was I ever asked what may be upsetting me. Instead, any tears or sad faces were met with yelling from my mother demanding that I smile and be happy.

But this strategy didn’t work so well for me in the real world when I started coming into adulthood. It didn’t work with other people. It kept me from developing deep relationships with people, kept me from talking about myself, kept me from connecting with people, kept me from experiencing life fully. I didn’t know how to handle all the emotions that come with growing up, with change, with the adult decisions that I had to make and how to be in adult relationships.

Suddenly, what had once proved to be an effective coping mechanism was about to burst – everything I had so skillfully masked was about to be exposed for all to see and that was not something I was ready or capable of dealing with at the time. Unfortunately, I always ended up burst them out to people that i know, but never they are people who I loved the most.

Now that I believe in the saying that the people that we love are the people who will hurt us the most. Seriously.....Come on, emotion is bad. So good luck with your emotional spewing...it'll come out a lot at first and then balance itself out...don't worry

you don't know me

Do you remember when we'd just sit in silence together and just look at the stars? Do you?

What are you talking about? We never did.

Exactly.

I was wishing that we did, back then.

You like to wish you did a lot of things differently, don't you?

I know, I know.

It makes me look like I'm not contented.

The next line you'll probably say is "Don't think about the past. Be grateful for the things that you have now,"

No, actually I wanted to say I wished you danced in the rain more.

But I can't dance. You know that.

Yeah, and now I'm wishing that you could dance.

Sometimes I wonder, just out of curiosity. What if I did some things differently?

Would everything turn out different?

Would I finally be content (whatever that's worth)?

Would I be a different person? Or is it all inevitable?

That it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, it will all end up the same?

Just like taking a different route to the same destination?

Yes, like that exactly. The way I see it, if you did things differently, then you'd just be a different you, only wondering what would be if you (I mean the different you, not the you you) did things differently.

So you're saying that I'll be different, then?

Yes.But you'll still wonder about the same thing. You'll still wonder about all the "What ifs..." and the "Probably maybes...", you know?

But how can you be sure?

I'm not sure. I'm just saying.

I don't have all the answers for you, you know?

Well, you should, I imagine.

Well, I don't. Sorry to disappoint you.

You're not doing this for a living. You don't need inspiration to do what you do. You don't.

But I want to. There's hope in hoping. Whatever that means.

Hoping for what?

For anything. For you. That maybe one day you'd be the person I'd imagine you to be.

So maybe in the unlikely event that I become someone, then you'd be able to take credit for it, even if you don't want to. I don't know.

It seems rather stupid, I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Of course it did.

And that's not fair, hoping I'd be the person you imagined me to be.

Whatever happened to just accepting me for who I am?

Would you like to just sit and look at the stars, and into forever with me? Just you and me and the way you are now?

I don't know. Why don't you ask me the next time we meet?

Maybe I will.

Okay.

But do you think that if I didn't, things would turn out differently?

Okay, stop that. Don't you have anything else to do?

Not really.

Do you want to know a something?

What is that?

You don't know me at all.

help me

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive


help me

of Capricorn

I wiki-ed my astrological sign, Capricorn. Some of the things i find amusingly true. haha. lets see..

Capricons are:

Practical
Disciplined / methodical / organized
Prudent / cautious / careful
Ambitious / focused
Trustworthy / dependable / reliable
Serious
Self-reliant / independent
Steadfast / persevering / stable
Persistent / dedicated
Hard-working
Rational / reasonable
Responsible
Shrewd / wise
Aloof / businesslike
Tenacious
Self-critical
Traditional / conventional
Career-oriented
Authoritative
Competent
Strong



Ideal Careers
any capacity of authority, doctor, lawyer, accountant, politician, teacher, principal, engineer, farmer, anything math related <-- and i hate math!!


Likes
Romance, loyalty, feeling secure, financial/material stability, ambitious mates, feeling committed, making long term relationship plans, dependability, reliability, perseverance.


Dislikes
Flightiness, being bossed around, crudeness/coarseness, dominance, game playing, ego displays, extravagance, being challenged by a lover, indecisiveness.


and i am proud to be capricorn!

teddies dont hug back

mimi: so cute lah dis fella..

sara: is it a boy or a girl? does it has any gender?

mimi: i dunno.. i think its an alien. maybe a boy..

sara: Oooo...











2 hours later.....















sara: its a girl...

mimi:......






















so cute lah my sister

of hari raya

oh yes i forgot to update on my hari raya preparation. heck!

actually i am nervous to celebrate dis hari raya. there are too much bad memories during hari raya..guess i'm classically conditioned to the despairment of my past Eids. Some sort of phobia.

Ada banyak faktor, tapi of cos la tak boleh reveal semuanya demi menjaga hubungan diplomatik.

Antaranya

1) I don't like mercun. it reminds me of gunshot and it's distressing. plus i'm a light sleeper and sleep deprivation tends to make me grumpy.
2) For us, raya means no jeans allowed. "budaya melayu" la kononnye. alahai mak aku.
3) I'm not a fan of kuih raya. adik-beradik maruku takpe, yang manis-manis no thank you.
4) I value privacy. raya is that time of the year where privacy is considered a joke. i have a big family you see.
5) Raya is when you couldn't call your boyfriend because the line is congested, or he's busy attending to his happy family. and you miss him so much. and dis year i fought with him due to this matter.
6) Raya is when every single friends of mine wants to hangout with me but i have to turn them down every year. sigh!
7) Raya means high tendency of kehilangan pakaian dalam di celah timbunan baju semua orang yang mahu basuh baju pada waktu yang sama.
8) During raya all may pakcik and makcik would ask when will i get married? damn.
9) We have been checked in the hotel for raya where i think its better to stay at home. i miss my late grandparents.
10) Raya means Ramadhan is over.and it also means i'm going to eat eat and eat. this is a real bad news :(

But i really really really wanna enjoy dis raya. Wish me Luck!!

Selamat hari raya aidilfitiri. Maaf zahir batin.