of a doctor

i used to have an ambition to be a doctor long long time ago. but may be this is what we called fate. so i cant be a doctor. i am not even qualified. but i have so many friends pursuing this medical line. most of them are my primary school frens. oh i miss them.

since then i always dreaming of marrying a doctor when i grow older. when i was small, i liked to watch ER. and then came the CSI and also the grey's anatomy. but now i am not really into this tv series. maybe because i have no time. why was i so obsessed bout dis doctor stuff? well actually yesterday when i was coming back to hometown, there was an old lady had an asthma attack on board. everyone was panicking. the crews were running here n there. while the pilot announcing about the situation and seek for any doctor on board to identify themselves. even the plane has been delayed for this reason.

suddenly, there was a guy sitting in front of me stood up and went straight to the lady. omg. there goes the doctor. he was damn goodlooking. and he saved her. this is what we called god gift to the women. :p by the way, i forgot to mention, he's married with two sons. tq

but now, i think its not appropriate for me to think bout marrying a doctor anymore since i am dating wit someone, who is not a doctor. yes he may not know bout the saving ppl's life skills, but i know he should be, must be capable of saving me if anything happen. at least sending me to the hospital or whatsoever. of course, he must be very well-prepared, mentally and financially before attaching officially with me since everyone knows i also have asthmatic problem. of course i'm going to need the best service.

or else i should start to think about marrying a doctor again.

of me right now

They say love conquers all. I beg to differ.

Sometime when you are in love with someone else instead of letting go of your feeling you keep for your own good self. Reason being..perhaps you don't want to get hurt or perhaps you just don't want to let go some part of you, to be shared with other people...but honestly i want it to be shared with my loved ones.

But still you say "I love you".
When you in love, conceivably you think everything is possible. You thought you would die for that person, you thought you would do everything to make that someone happy. You would never allow any tears to be shed. When actually the truth is, while reality slapped your face you realised you just want to gratify yourself. Probably you love someone because it is hurtful to be unwanted, to be unloved and most of all you don't want to be lonely.

Love is never enough.
Have you heard someone said "What's wrong? Everything I did for you is never enough". How enough is enough? It's like life. Is what you are getting out of your life is enough? For me, it will never be enough. But along the way, effort will definitely help to alleviate things.

Syg, i know you did so much to me. thank you.
I wish i could share it all with you.

lately

My body is sick.
My heart hurts.
Everything aches.
It's already mid of September.
Tick tock tick tock.
My head feels like it's going to explode.

There's a wheeze accompanying every exhalation.
I just want to crawl into bed and die.
I have a selection of fantasies, from which I choose one every night as a gateway into sleep. Those fantasies used to be technicolor films - travel, wealth, adventure.
Nowadays I dream of sepia tinged homicide, infanticide, suicide, and sometimes, Venice.

sebelum cahaya

it is early in the morning and its weird to find me ONLINE!! haha
actually its monday morning.. and i wanna start off with new and fresh mood
i wanna get rid of wut ever burdens and nonsenses which tangled in mind for past two weeks!

okay today i still dont get my car. so i'll go to class using effa's car.
ok i miss my car so much. i know its not a super car like a sport car or wut. i know this car brings me so much trouble. i know this car has so much summons that havent been settled. but i also know, this car is like my best driven compartment. it goes wherever i go. it keeps my shoes.my books. my clothes. thats why when it is not around, i feel completely lost!

well its funny to see your sister is online just next to you. hahaha.. she is using her laptop.
it would be funnier if i text her through yahoo messenger. haha.. but i love it when she plays my current fav number...

Sebelum Cahaya

Ku teringat,
hati,yang bertabur,
mimpi,kemana kau pergi, cinta
Perjalanan sunyi,yang kau tempuh sendiri,
kuatkanlah hati, cinta

Ingatkan engkau kepada,
embun pagi bersahaja,yang menemani mu,
sebelum cahayaIngatkan engkau kepada,
angin yang berhembus mesra,
yang ‘kan membelai mu, cinta

Kekuatan, hati,
yang berpegang,
janji,genggamlah tangan ku,
cintaKu tak akan pergi,
meninggalkan mu sendiri,
temani hati mu cinta

yes its not a lovey-dovey song. it does bring a deep meaning. somebody pls burn me dis song :P

sigh!

after one week i havent been updating. and i dont wanna recap on what has happened in my life because it was totally sucks. i was so demotivated.so pls i want to delete from my memory. so i dont wanna remember about it. i just wanna live my life happily and healthy!


Dear God, what are the chances that I might find the cure to my misery someday?

dear bfren

i am here to tell you that i miss u very badd... :(

can't afford to fall sick

i always loved to blog

but i have no time to blog

neither i have time for myself

till i fall sick

and when u fall sick

money is not everything to u

u cant go out to place u like

u cant eat wut u like

u cant do your job

and ppl start saying ur not responsible

:(
and i hate that

because people out there doesnt know how sick is like

thats why i hate falling sick


so ppl, pls dont fall sick!